This weekend is going to be my third Mother’s Day as a Mom. I also include the Mother’s day that I was pregnant with Estelle because that was the beginning of the becoming process for me. There are a lot of firsts for me this Mother’s Day as a result of the special family dynamics that we have acquired over the last year.
This year will be the first Mother’s Day that I haven’t spent with my own Mother. She has had a difficult time in the 23 years I’ve been alive, especially the last 13 years that she spent with her husband. Over the last year she got out of her toxic marriage and left to stay on the other side of the country. By doing so, it has greatly strained our relationship but it will be in the process of healing.
This year will also be the first Mother’s Day that London hasn’t spent with our Mother. London has taken this transition the hardest out of everyone directly involved. This is part of our Sister-Daughter dynamic, that she rejects. I won’t ever ask her to call me Mom or celebrate me on Mother’s Day, because that’s uncomfortable and I know it hurts her. Thirteen is a tough age for emotions, sorting them out especially. She has felt all of them and she has aimed them at me but I will gladly take them, that’s the maternal of the job.
This year will also be the first time that we have a foster child in our home for Mother’s Day. She has been with us for five weeks today and over the course of those few weeks we have learned more about her story. But to be honest, I am not sure of the last time she spent Mother’s Day with her Mom.
Our training has taught us to see the biological parents for their past and what they have gone through. In my opinion, this was one of the key parts of our learning. When I first started learning about the trauma and abuse that children in foster care have experienced, I was angry at the bio parents. I could never understand how these types of things could happen, but our training made us take a step back. We were taught to look at the possibilities of what the parents have gone through that has shaped them to be who they are today.
I don’t know S’s parents besides what I have been told and I (obviously) know London’s parents but I always try to encourage them to be respectful towards them. I know there are things that have happened which are seemingly unforgivable but I hope for the girls sake that one day they can overcome their hurt. I know this Mother’s Day is going to be a sensitive one for both of them, but I hope that we can make light of our circumstances.
Happy Mother’s Day to everyone! Foster Moms, Bio Moms, Grandma’s, Aunts, Sisters, a day to celebrate everything that we all do.